Will she stay?

J_Field07 · #1 02-22-2007

Hi

I'm on my mid-forties, I had not been lucky when it comes to relationships, it's not that I’m some repressed middle-aged who’s never been on a relationship before, don't get me wrong. In fact, I have been on a couple of healthy relationships in the past, but for some reason they never worked out.
For quite a while, after breaking up with my former girl, I know it sounds corny, but I started to lose faith in love because I really thought she was the one. So, as a way of relaxing and having a good time, this friend of mine advised me to take one of these tours to Russia. You know, the ones that are popular these days, because he said I’d meet beautiful women. At first, I gotta say, I had my doubts, but after thinking it over, I made up my mind. Therefore, with nothing to lose (except for a couple of bucks), I went on the tour, and indeed I met this dead- gorgeous, smart and sincere gal, we just simply clicked after meeting each other, we had the best time together while I was in Russia, and ever since I came back to the states we kept in touch almost every day by phone, chat, and e-mails.

I am very serious with her. We’re on a one-year relationship now. I know it's hard to have long distance relationship, but she’s definitely worth it, plus over the past year I went back to visit her on three occasions.
We have talked about her moving to the states and she’s ok with it. Lately, I have started to think about popping the question once she moves in, of course she doesn’t know about it.

But here are my concerns:

Do you think I am rushing things? Or should I just go for it and propose?
I know it‘s hard to say, but do you think it will work? You know, my being American and her being Russian? Or is it that you think she will have a hard time adapting to America and she’ll just feel like going back to Russia because of homesickness and stuff.

Any piece of advice would be very appreciated

Thanks

YoungPhenom4TheFuture · #2 02-22-2007

A wise women once told me, "love is only half the battle". In this day and age, being in love is simply not enough to maintain a working relaitonship. The fact that you guys have been in a long distance relationship for over a year says a lot about your commitment to each other. As long as your willing to put in the work.....the relationship will only grow Now as far as popping the question.....that's up to you. When you feel the time is right, do it, and don't hesitate. Go with your gut instict.

NeoSoulBrotha · #3 02-25-2007

I don't have a lifetime of experience to look back on, but I can still offer my opinion... I do know that living together is a lot different than corresponding and/or dating.

I'm glad to see that you hit it off, but I would give it some time to get to know each other's personal habits. Then, if you still think she's the one, make your move.

Just my $0.02.

Jamil · #4 02-26-2007

I think that she might get homesick. You should wait a while and see if she does before you pop the question. You aren't really rushing things at 40 I don't think. After you find out if she's homesick or not then i'd pop the question.

shewillbeloved · #5 02-27-2007

We can't be sure whether or not it's going to work, it's just like any other relationship, you always run the risk that it may or it may not work, but you have to look to the brightside, the fact that she has waited all this time for you would mean that she's intereted in you, that she actually cares about you and that she's not just after a green card as some people may say. However I woul recommend to wait a little longer to see how she deals with the whole adapting to America thing, and after that if things continue the same way you described they are between you and her, I'd say go for it

Good luck

SuperFly · #6 03-02-2007

Hmmm... I missed this one.

At any rate, if I were you, I would tread quite carefully. I've been in a long distance relationship before (how's me being here and her being in Peru sound to you?). But your situation is different. You went LOOKING for someone on a tour where chances are the women know that there are American men with money to spend and they're looking to hitch a ride over here. Hence, they'll be whatever you want them to be just to get over here, and then drop your ass like a bad habit once they get citizenship. Being that you're in your mid forties, I can only imagine that you've already heard of all this before. Now, you never really mentioned how much time you spent over there. Had you spent a significant amount of time in Russia (i.e. a few months) then I could give her the benefit of the doubt. But a couple weeks? I mean call me bitter, but I can't humanely believe that you set up a lasting foundation for a relationship that could lead to marriage if you've only known each other for a couple weeks initially and only saw each other three times subsequently. No matter how much you keep in contact, its still not like being there in person. In addition, if she seemed like she was a little too easily swayed into moving to the U.S. to be with you, then I'd be extremely wary. You also didn't mention where she would be staying. I WOULD NOT let her stay with me. A year's relationship in the digital world and a year's relationship in person are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. No matter how much you've talked, that lady is still a stranger, whether you'd like to admit it or not. There's still other parameters that being left out make the whole situation shaky to me.

My advice is to tread lightly and take your time. If she's fluent enough in English that she can carry a proper conversation with you, then I doubt that she would have any problem fitting into the United States. But in all reality, you don't know this woman. Yeah, its nice that you kept in touch and all that, but unless you can verify that she's actually got some kind of commitment to you and not just slick enough to email you with something she know you'd like to hear when you send her something. There's no way you can do that without being there in person.

I don't mean to burst bubbles, but people are quite dastardly these day. You've got to know how to cover your ass.

iluv_me · #7 05-25-2007

It all depends on how much you love her you can't put a time table on love? But I do think you should be careful because it's only been a year and you guys haven't spent a lot of time with each other. I say have her move in and if your still together after 6 months your still heel over heads for than pop the question. It's a big step make sure your both there for the right reasons.