In the wrong family

[Orca51]

I need some help. I feel like I was literally born into the wrong family. I don't want to say I hate them, but at the very least I have an overly strong dislike for every single member of my mothers side of my family. Dads side is cool...so I'm not just some teenager hating her whole family. Plus I've felt this way since I was around 10, that is about 7 years now because I'll be 17 in August.
My values and their values don't align. They value sports over education. To me education is the most important thing. Whenever I tell my family what I'm involved in they are always like 'oh you don't do anything'. WTH? I'm the editor-in-chief of my church's paper, I'm treasurer of my schools young democrats club, I'm a member of National Honor Society, I'm on my schools debate team and model united nations team. I definitely have my hands full with activities. Plus I'm enrolled in honors/AP classes. My cousins however play sports and just take regular classes and they are praised. I'm very supportive of what they do too. I go to my cousins track meets, soccer games, and basketball games. Especially the one who is a grade below me who attends the same school. I have no envy or jealousy of what they do because I'm happy with who I am, but my family just thinks I'm lazy and unappreciative.
That's another thing. I love fashion. I previously held a job. I like designer jeans. I find them for cheap though like $150 dollar 7's for $50. I'm a bargain shopper. Then my family talks about how much of a brat I am for taking the money I got from MY job that I WALKED to after school and buying myself a nice pair of jeans. Am I right? What is wrong with that. I always saved half my checks before spending the rest. Plus I put away lunch money so my mom didn't have to give me any. Yet I'm a brat.
They also claim I'm a know it all because I have such a high involvement with politics as you can probably tell from my activities. I've even met Senator Obama. Like my Uncle and me were having a discuss about early black republicans. I said majority of blacks are currently democrats. He said that wasn't true. We googled it. I was right. He then said well I bet you didn't know that most blacks were previously republicans. I said yes i did. He got mad. My mom is the most educated person in my family. She has a bachelors everybody else just has a hs diploma. She acts like them too though.
I don't think they really like me. Never really have. It makes me really sad sometimes. I feel like once I leave for college I probably will lose touch with most of them.
They have this attitude that because we are black we must at least sometimes behave ghetto. We went to walmart and my uncle got a bag of chicken wings. He didn't even pay. He ate them throughout the store, and even dropped a bone w/o picking it back up. He just left it. I went back and threw it away. They think that because I don't want to act 'ghetto' that I'm stuck-up. Why would I want to act that way. The ghetto is a housing place for the poor not the definition of what being black is. I talk properly and I WANT too why should I fake some ebonics language that isn't natural to me.
I just don't know what to do. Can someone help? What should I do? Grow up and just kind of steer clear of them? They don't like me either so please don't just say accept them because they are your family. They won't even accept me.
p.s. we also have religious/beliefs arguments alot. I'm liberal. I believe god exist but i respect that not everybody does. so i don't believe in making laws against things like gay marriage because gay marriage doesn't hurt me. they say i'll be against it when i'm older. i'm just an ignorant 16 yr old. to me the person running around calling others f*gs is the one who is ignorant. not me. do you agree?

[monique09]

wow that was alot to read...lol no it wasn't


well i could relate to most of the things you said except in my family all my cousins rely on me they think i'm the chosen child so all the pressure was/is on me to succeed in highschool and in college so stressful sometimes....for instance in my family this year i had a bad year because my mom lost her job and everything in life was crappy...and my family found out that my gpa had dropped from a 3.4 to a 3.1......and they said some of the most insulting things...which really and i mean really upset me...because the 2 cousins below me have gpa's that are barely 1.0s.....but anyways


Your not always going to like who you are related to (which is another reason i want to go out of state for college) but they are your family whether or not they like you or if you don't like them...in my opinion just do you...stay true to yourself even though it may seem like its 1 against 20 or how many people are in your family...im the "odd ball" of my family...but just stay strong plus when you become rich...they will come around..then you can kick them to the curb....just kiddin

[xosugababeox@yahoo.com]

Girl i feel you entirely i sometimes face this same drama. But, it push me to know what i want out of life and fight for it. Although family is suppose to be supportive, you have to understand they probably grew up with a mentality of being different and stepping outside of their comfort zone would make them feel as you do. You are obvisouly very smart, but if your family is good at sports then thats their comfort zone, to pursue a dream while knowing your family won't support you is hard. Your job is to teach the younger members of your family to follow in their own footsteps.Your a born leader and you need to show them that your education means alot to you. So they could support you or 10 years from now your uncle will be googling your name. He could get mad again but no matter what you success will give them a sense of pride.

[konvinceme]

I say stick firm to what you feel is right-in the end you have to live with the decisions you make. You cant live life for the approval of others. I totally feel that just because people are kin does not mean that they cant be wrong or that they have your best interest in mind. You will be a stronger person for it in the end. Remain observant but not judgemental. I dont know if you watched the CNN special "Black in America"-it opened my eyes to another perspective of why WE do things to ourselves and our families

[Orca51]

Originally Posted by monique09

wow that was alot to read...lol no it wasn't


well i could relate to most of the things you said except in my family all my cousins rely on me they think i'm the chosen child so all the pressure was/is on me to succeed in highschool and in college so stressful sometimes....for instance in my family this year i had a bad year because my mom lost her job and everything in life was crappy...and my family found out that my gpa had dropped from a 3.4 to a 3.1......and they said some of the most insulting things...which really and i mean really upset me...because the 2 cousins below me have gpa's that are barely 1.0s.....but anyways


Your not always going to like who you are related to (which is another reason i want to go out of state for college) but they are your family whether or not they like you or if you don't like them...in my opinion just do you...stay true to yourself even though it may seem like its 1 against 20 or how many people are in your family...im the "odd ball" of my family...but just stay strong plus when you become rich...they will come around..then you can kick them to the curb....just kiddin

Thanks for the advice. I just don't know if I can deal with it anymore. Lately, I've spent more of my time crying than smiling or laughing. Whenever someone sees me crying, I try to go somewhere where I can be alone. It's impossible. I lock the bathroom door and they want to get in to see why I'm in there for so long. Or I'll sit in my closet with my ipod, and they'll come in there basically just to tell me I'm selfish or something. I'm just so sad lately. They keep going on and on about how this isn't MY life until I'm 21. HowI can't pick MY college because it's their choice. Or how I can't buy a $2,000 car when I'm 18 to get around even if I have the money for the car, gas and insurance. I need the car because if I don't have one it's harder for me to work because i go to a private school(that i got a full ride scholarship to which is the only reason I was allowed to go, and they still say it was a bad idea because I'm not white) and the school doesn't have bus transportation. I depend on friends for rides to work in the winter because they are nice enough to not want me walking in the snow, or if it isn't too bad I walk. I feel though that if they really don't let me leave for college I'll never get away.
Can they really stop me from going out of state for college? Can they even stop me from moving out at 18 even though I'll still be in high school?

[Orca51]

Originally Posted by xosugababeox@yahoo.com

Girl i feel you entirely i sometimes face this same drama. But, it push me to know what i want out of life and fight for it. Although family is suppose to be supportive, you have to understand they probably grew up with a mentality of being different and stepping outside of their comfort zone would make them feel as you do. You are obvisouly very smart, but if your family is good at sports then thats their comfort zone, to pursue a dream while knowing your family won't support you is hard. Your job is to teach the younger members of your family to follow in their own footsteps.Your a born leader and you need to show them that your education means alot to you. So they could support you or 10 years from now your uncle will be googling your name. He could get mad again but no matter what you success will give them a sense of pride.

Thanks for the advice. I feel that the only contact I want my family to be able to have with me 10 years from now is google. I don't want to hang around any of them. I want to move out soon. Do you think it would be really hard to survive w/ a roommate at 18, while working 30 hours a week and taking an easy high school course load? I don't need to take really hard classes because I could actually graduate after this year, which is my junior year. The only reason I'm even sticking around for the last year is because of the things I don't want to miss about senior year.

[Orca51]

Originally Posted by konvinceme

I say stick firm to what you feel is right-in the end you have to live with the decisions you make. You cant live life for the approval of others. I totally feel that just because people are kin does not mean that they cant be wrong or that they have your best interest in mind. You will be a stronger person for it in the end. Remain observant but not judgemental. I dont know if you watched the CNN special "Black in America"-it opened my eyes to another perspective of why WE do things to ourselves and our families

Well I saw the womens part of "black in america" but I wasn't home the night the mens part came on. It was interesting, but I didn't even get to see all of it because my mother kept flipping to see if there was anything better on because "she doesn't like shows like that." I really don't feel like the majority of my family has my best interest in mind. I feel like some of them try too, but they just don't know what is in my best interest because none of them have done anything past high school. So they all have this notion that sports is the best way to get into college, and even when I explain that alot of the top schools don't even give out sports scholarships they just ignore me. When I mention the small percent of people who actually get sports scholarships they still act like that is the best way,and I have no chance getting a scholarship through academics. My cousins want to go to state colleges where they probably will get great sports scholarships, but I'm only applying to one state college, and every other college is private out of state.I think I might just move out after my junior year. I can't deal with them anymore. Plus I'll be 18 my entire senior year because my birthday is in August.